Heart Be Strong

While I was in High school/ secondary school I used to pray to God that he should make me a strong heart that was unfeeling, because I wasn’t able to make “friends” and it was killing me. I was also into writing and I wrote a lot about how I felt in short stories and poems and rhymes. Now looking back I still have these same problems that I expressed in my writings, but that’s not what this post is about.

I had a 5 year long crush/obsession.  He is still my friend, one of my most trusted and I was one of his closest, and for a while i was satisfied because that was the most any girl could hope to be to him – I know settling is a bad habit, Geez- anyways when we were in 11th grade/ SS2 he got a girlfriend and i was secretly-but very obviously- devastated and also very jealous of his girl.

Anyway, I was his friend, but what actually hurt me the most was that i didn’t know much about him, and he didn’t know much about me either and every moment we spent together were bitter sweet, and honestly after a while I began to feel like I was just being a pest to him. All these are in the past and while i still carry a few insecurities about he is not one of them – Amen to that!

The funny thing about my time – Lol, pun intended- in high school was that i was friends with all and none at all, i talked with everyone but i was really looking for that deep connection, i also tended to be possessive and i didn’t want to come across as clingy. That asides, I would make friends and they would leave me and we would grow apart and it made me sad that i couldn’t hold on to them, or at the very least they weren’t coming back.

This post got real real quick, but if you are having these king of problems, I’m not an advice expert but just do the things you love to do, don’t change yourself to fit in where you don’t belong and besides, just because you fit doesn’t mean that’s your place. I don’t know if I made a mark in that school or in any of those people i made friends with or even my classmates, but i know that whenever I put in an effort in improving myself, I felt happy, even if it was just a tiny bit.